How to get what you want
by Bookjunk
Summary: Set after 3.04. Communication: it ain't always easy. Sometimes it is, though. Jude/Zero Chapter 4: 'Ask Jude,' Jude repeated, obviously curious. 'So, you want to ask me something.'
1. Don't you lie

Set after 3.04.

 **How to get what you want**

 **Chapter 1: Don't you lie**

'I still can't give you what you want,' Zero said. Jude laughed, because: this again? The more things change, the more they stay the same, he thought. That saying had never made sense to him, but it did now.

' _You_ kissed _me_ , remember?' he reminded Zero. They were alone for the first time since their very public kiss and things were already off to a bad start. Jude didn't know what he had expected. Not that he would find himself back at the beginning. We keep walking around in circles, he thought, feeling tired.

'I kissed you because...' Zero explained, pausing before he got to the actual explanation. Frustrated, Jude prompted him.

'Because?'

Zero looked at Jude and then away: a sure sign that what he was about to say would be a lie.

'Because I wanted to. And because you wanted me to,' Zero answered. Now, that wasn't a lie per se, but Jude had an inkling that it wasn't the whole truth either. Zero was very skilled at that. Half-truths.

'I see. You had no intention of following through,' Jude inferred.

'No,' Zero protested. 'I mean, yes. Listen, Jude, you don't understand.'

Jude wasn't sure whether Zero was protesting because the assumption was wrong or because it was correct. What Jude did know was that he was almost past caring.

'I keep thinking that we're getting somewhere, but we never do,' Jude muttered. He thought he'd finally gotten through to Zero, but apparently not. He wanted a normal relationship. And Zero wouldn't or couldn't give it to him. Case closed. Still, Zero must have had a reason beyond a simple desire to kiss Jude for outing himself so spectacularly. There had to be another angle. There usually was with Zero.

'So, did you kiss me to scare away Lucas?' Jude suggested.

'No,' Zero said dismissively. As if the idea was ridiculous. Alright, Jude thought, that was the truth, but – _again_ – not all of it. He frowned.

'What did you tell Lucas to make sure he didn't meet me after the game?' he inquired. Zero didn't say anything. Jude could practically see the wheels turning in the athlete's mind. He's fabricating a story, Jude thought.

'Well?' he insisted. Zero didn't seem to like this line of questioning.

'Look, who cares? Forget about Lucas, okay? What I meant to say before…'

'What did you tell him?' Jude persisted, interrupting him. Looking off to the side, Zero replied. Lie, Jude immediately knew. Whatever was coming would be a lie.

'I told him to stay away from you or he'd be out of a job.'

'You're lying!' Jude exclaimed, feeling stunned despite himself.

'It doesn't matter what I told him. The guy wasn't good enough for you,' Zero reasoned. Jude's frown deepened. Zero, apparently sensing that further inquiries were coming, attempted to halt them by stepping closer.

'Jude…' he softly pleaded, but Jude fended him off.

'No. Answer me. And, while you're at it, explain to me why you are determined to stop anyone else from giving me the kind of relationship I want when you are absolutely unwilling to step up and be that person yourself. Explain to me why Lucas, who's been nothing but nice to me, is not good enough.'

Jude crossed his arms to indicate that he wasn't going anywhere until he had an answer. Zero sighed and formulated a reply of sorts.

'He's an asshole. Trust me, he is,' he defiantly offered. Jude rolled his eyes.

'At least he's interested in dating me,' he taunted. Zero bit back a reaction. Jude noticed and in a flash he realised what Zero had been trying to hide.

'He wasn't coming,' Jude deduced. 'You're lying about what you told him, because you didn't tell him anything. You didn't have to; he wasn't going to show up anyway. Oh. But why…? Wait. You outed yourself on live television to save me the embarrassment of being stood up?'

Zero shrugged. Jude made a disgusted noise.

'Great. You kissed me because you felt sorry for me,' he groaned.

'I didn't want you to get hurt,' Zero amended. Sure, that's sweet, Jude acknowledged, but it also rendered the kiss meaningless. It hadn't been a step at all, like he'd hoped. It had only ever been a bandage to put on a barely-there scrape. Suddenly, he was furious.

'I don't need protection,' he snapped.

'I'd want to protect you even if it wasn't necessary,' Zero admitted, smiling slightly. 'But that's not why I kissed you. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't prepared to take this to the next level.'

'You just said that you can't give me what I want!' Jude angrily objected.

'And I can't. Not because I'm not ready to, but because I don't know _how_. Fortunately, that is fixable. I want you and I want what you want,' Zero explained. Jude stared at him.

'You do? Really?'

Zero nodded, while gently pulling Jude into his arms. Then he kissed Jude in that surprisingly tender way of his, which never failed to make Jude go weak at the knees. There was something so focused about it, as if all Zero desired was Jude. Jude and nothing else. The great thing was that it didn't feel particularly physical. It didn't feel like Zero merely wanted Jude; it felt like Zero wanted to _be_ with Jude. Finally, they came up for air and Jude's brain kicked into overdrive.

'Lucas: why wouldn't he come? Did he say something to you? What did he say about me?'

Zero shook his head, signalling that he wasn't going to repeat whatever Lucas had said. Not now. Probably not ever. Maybe that's better, Jude reluctantly agreed. Zero gave him another one of those kisses and Jude's knees nearly buckled. Zero moved his mouth along Jude's jawline; nipping and teasing. Slowly, Zero pulled back. He studied Jude and appeared to take in all of him before leaning in again.

'He's an idiot. You're perfect, Jude.'


	2. Don't go no farther

**How to get what you want**

 **Chapter 2: Don't go no farther**

One week after the kiss.

The paparazzi who had been hounding them non-stop were nowhere to be seen at the moment, which didn't mean that they weren't there, of course. It wasn't really a thing Zero worried about, though he had to admit that the feeling of being watched all the time was beginning to stress him out a little. Jude, on the other hand, most definitely minded their sudden lack of privacy. Whenever they were out in public, he acted like there was always someone stationed in the bushes to record their conversation. It was kinda funny.

'Dating's kind of awkward like this, isn't it?' Jude whispered. Zero smirked and leaned in to suggest another way to spend the evening. Jude blushed, but he didn't look all that thrilled about the X-rated suggestion.

'You're backing out already?' he asked. Before Zero could answer, they were swarmed by photographers and reporters.

'Zero! How long have you known that you're gay?'

'I'm not gay,' Zero snapped, irritated at the interruption. Immediately, he could feel Jude practically radiating disappointment at his side, so – cursing inwardly – Zero turned towards the vultures and flashed them a smile.

'I'm bisexual,' he clarified. 'It's a thing. Look it up.'

The attention was clearly making Jude uncomfortable. Attempting to guide him away from the crowd that was starting to form, Zero engaged in some minor shoving. He was careful not be too rough. A lawsuit was the last thing he needed. Unfortunately, the "journalists" were not backing off.

'And who's this?' one of them inquired of Zero, thrusting a mike into his face and gesturing at Jude.

'This is the guy I love,' Zero said, grabbing Jude's hand. Jude beamed. Pictures were snapped. Jude continued to beam when Zero pulled him into an alley. They legged it and, since they were not carrying heavy equipment, they managed to outrun the news herd. When they finally stopped, Jude was still beaming. He simply wouldn't stop.

'Those fucking people,' Zero muttered, affecting to be as annoyed as Jude by the relentlessness of the media. Jude chuckled.

'What?' Zero demanded. Jude shook his head and brushed his mouth against Zero's lips.

'I like it when you pretend to be embarrassed about being in the spotlight,' he admitted and adopted an innocent expression. 'Remind me of what you were talking about.'

Sex. Dirty, dirty sex. That was what Zero had been talking about before they were ambushed. But he didn't want that anymore. Yeah, sure, he wanted Jude naked and spread out and opened up. Particularly with the way Jude was looking right now: sweaty and a little breathless with his hair tousled. Except, Zero wanted more. He wanted the whole Jude experience; not merely the sex. So, pressing Jude into the nearest wall and kissing him until all the tension had drained from his body, Zero whispered into Jude's ear exactly how he wished to spend the rest of their evening.

'I just wanna take you home and make love to you.'

(***)

Three days later.

Lionel was sitting behind her desk. Zero paused in the doorway of her office. He wasn't especially eager to set foot inside. Lion's den and all that.

'Can we talk?' he ventured. Lionel glanced up and placed both of her hands on the desk as if bracing herself for what was to come.

'That depends,' she replied, coolly. 'What about?'

'I need a favour,' Zero admitted. Lionel cocked an eyebrow and motioned him in. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, Zero thought, and closed the door behind him.


	3. Don't make me pay

**How to get what you want**

 **Chapter 3: Don't make me pay**

Two weeks after the kiss.

Jude was slowly sneaking his hand into Zero's hand while Zero pretended not to notice and watched last night's game again. And suddenly they were holding hands. Jude smiled. How good was this? They were sitting on the couch at home and holding hands; like a normal couple. As subtly as Jude had joined their hands together, Zero tried to extricate his hand.

'Oh, we're not doing that? No holding hands?' Jude said. He was aware that his tone was argumentative. Zero looked hurt, which annoyed Jude even further.

'Don't do that vulnerable look,' he snapped.

'I'm not _doing_ any look,' Zero replied with more than a little anger.

'Oh, please. You always are,' Jude retorted. Zero sat up straight and narrowed his eyes.

'You're mad,' he surmised. Jude nodded.

'Okay. Is this about me not holding your hand just now? Or is it about me holding your hand in front of the press?' Zero inquired.

'Both! You only ever treat me like your boyfriend when there are cameras pointed at us,' Jude pointed out.

'I was making a point!' Zero protested. 'You act like everything I do is part of some sort of goddamn test!'

Am I? Jude wondered. Maybe he was. Maybe he couldn't help himself. He analysed things Zero said and did and picked them apart and then went over them again. It was the Jude way.

'You're being ridiculous,' Zero remarked softly. Jude turned towards him, questioning.

'Instead of keeping all this shit inside your own head until you burst, why don't you tell me what you want? 'Cause I don't know,' Zero explained.

'Then you're not listening,' Jude sneered. Zero shook his head.

'Yeah, I am. I get it, Jude. I get what you're doing, but I need you to stop pushing. I'm doing the best I can.'

Sitting back, Jude stared at Zero. He seemed so rational. Like he knew exactly what was going on. It was comforting to think that at least one of them knew what was happening, because Jude had absolutely no idea.

'What am I doing, according to you?' he asked. It sounded less like an actual question than as another furious accusation.

'Looking for cracks,' Zero answered. 'For the thing that is gonna cause this to fall apart; that is gonna break us up. I understand. I do. I think of all the ways that we could end and I just…'

Shaking his head as if trying to get rid of the thought, Zero smiled wryly at Jude.

'You wanna hold hands? I'll gladly hold your hand if it means that much to you. And every time you do this, I'm gonna tell you the same thing: I'm in. I might as well be. I'm already in deeper than I ever planned to be,' Zero admitted.

'You'd do that? For me?' Jude asked in the tiniest of voices. Zero stroked Jude's jawline while moving in for a kiss. His hands cupped Jude's face in a gesture that indicated both possession and submission. Mere inches before their lips were about to touch, Zero halted. Looking at Jude, his expression softened.

'I'd do everything to make you happy. Don't you know that by now?'

Jude grinned, grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss. Zero immediately threw his arms around Jude and his forward motion landed him on top of Jude. They dug into each other's bodies. Fingertips, palms, lips were pushing, slipping and sliding against skin. Greedily, they exchanged tenderness for hard and fast. Teeth sank softly into supple flesh. Breathless, Zero pinned Jude down on the couch and paused.

'About the handholding? I'm simply not a fan,' he confessed, shrugging. Fair enough, Jude thought. Emboldened by Zero's admission, Jude pushed Zero onto his back and hung suspended over him.

'I want normal.'

Zero smirked and raked his tongue roughly across Jude throat.

'Then you chose the wrong guy to fall in love with, 'cause I don't know how to do that. In fact, I'm pretty sure that neither of us knows how to do things like normal people. So, why don't we do things our way and stop worrying about being normal and start being happy?' Zero proposed, straining up to reach Jude's mouth until Jude took mercy on him and dipped down. They resumed their kissing, while Jude's mind continued to churn. Did he self-sabotage? Was he really that stupid and insecure?

Zero must have noticed that he was off somewhere else, because he effectively brought Jude back to the moment with a sharp nip to the sensitive skin of his throat.

'With me?' Zero asked, brushing his lips gently over the sore spot.

'If you'll still have me,' Jude replied, flushed and remorseful. Zero shook his head at this display of idiocy.

'Oh, I'll have you,' he whispered suggestively and went to work on getting the man he loved out of his clothes.


	4. Don't change on me

**How to get what you want**

 **Chapter 4: Don't change on me**

Three weeks after the kiss.

They were doing the laundry together. Jude went through the pockets before Zero sorted the clothes. Zero was having way too much fun. Maybe that feeling would wear out eventually, but right now it was still in full swing. Doing stuff with Jude, however ordinary and even boring, felt great.

'You've got a bucket list?' Jude asked, holding up a piece of paper. Zero glanced at it and swallowed.

'Oh, that?' he replied, as cool as a cucumber. 'Those are some of my goals.'

'What's this? AJ? What does that stand for?' Jude inquired. He caught Zero's eye. Zero considered lying – because he really hadn't planned on doing this so soon – but quickly decided against it.

'Ask Jude,' he answered.

'Ask Jude?' Jude repeated, obviously curious. 'Ask me what?'

'That has to do with the next entry.'

Jude examined the list again.

'Which is... GM. And what does that mean?'

'Get married.'

A lengthy silence followed during which Zero nervously studied Jude. At first, Jude stared at the two capital letters for a moment. Then he looked up at Zero. Back at the big G and M again. Back at Zero. Computing. Computing. Finally, Jude seemed to have taken in the information. He smiled; cautiously optimistic, but unable to fully enjoy the moment just yet.

'You want to marry me?' he asked. That Jude needed confirmation just about killed Zero.

'Yeah. I've gotta admit, though, that I don't know if we can in California. I mean, is this the right state for that?' Zero wondered.

'This is a _very_ good state for that,' Jude responded, smiling in earnest now. Jude's happiness in turn made Zero feel fantastic. He dropped the shirt he'd been clutching while waiting for Jude's reaction and pulled the other man closer. They made out like they had during their first proper time: in a frenzy of lust and joyful confusion. Addicted to each other from the first kiss. In between kisses, Zero painted a picture of their future.

'And I want to buy a house together and I want to have, honestly, _no kids,_ but maybe like a dog or something?' he suggested while sucking on Jude's neck. Jude laughed and pushed him back slightly. He waved around the crumpled piece of paper.

'Shouldn't there be a BR on here too? You know, buy ring?' he teased, clearly joking and expecting nothing. Zero smirked.

'I'm way ahead of you,' he answered. Moving as if in a dream, Zero retrieved the box from its hiding place. He handed it to Jude, who looked shocked. Zero motioned for him to open it, which Jude hesitantly did. He goggled at the silver ring. Expectantly, the basketball player waited to see how his former agent would handle this. Without a word, Jude took the ring out of the box and slid it around his finger. It was a perfect fit.

'It fits!' he exclaimed, surprised. 'How did you know…?'

'Lionel.'

'Lionel?'

'I asked her for a favour. I convinced her that it was as much for you as it was for me,' Zero explained.

'You went shopping for an engagement ring with Lionel?' Jude marvelled, apparently trying to visualise it. Zero shrugged. Neither the best afternoon of his life nor the worst. Lionel knew her jewellery and her Jude.

'We've only been dating for a couple of weeks,' Jude suddenly objected. It was such a Jude thing to say - while rocking the engagement ring, no less - that Zero had to keep himself from laughing.

'I don't know if you've noticed but I haven't actually popped the question yet,' he pointed out. Jude made a move as if he was going to take off the ring and give it back. Zero stopped him.

'No, keep it. It looks good on you. If you want to, that is.'

'Alright,' Jude easily agreed. 'So, you haven't asked me. But you've got a ring. You've definitely got a plan. It's on here in between your other goals, which… Is the list in random order?'

Zero shook his head, smiling.

'No, it's in order of importance.'

Jude consulted the list for the umpteenth time. When he looked up, he had that same hopeful expression on his face again.

'And I'm at the top? Asking me and marrying me is the most important thing?'

'What's the point of everything else without you?' Zero said. He meant it too. In response, Jude did a little, impatient nod, all 'yeah, yeah, I'm acknowledging that what you just said is super sweet and I share the feeling, but can we get back to me being an insecure mess?'

'So, I wasn't supposed to find this list?' Jude suggested. 'You letting me know all this was an accidental, spur of the moment thing?'

'It was, yeah. But I have been thinking about it. About asking you. A lot. All my life I've had to deal with people who try to make me feel like I'm nothing. You, on the other hand, go out of your way to make sure I know that I matter. That is the most amazing feeling. You are the most amazing person. I love you, Jude, and I don't believe in wasting time. I want to spend my life with you, so I figure: why wait?' Zero theorised. Ever the contrarian, Jude protested.

'Wait. Are you proposing to me right now?' he inquired. _I guess I am_ , Zero realised. _Three weeks after going public with our relationship. Is this a mistake? No, it isn't. There should be a word for the opposite of a mistake, because whatever that word would be that is what this is. Absolutely right in every way._

'I am,' Zero admitted. 'I wanna be all you ever dreamed. Because you are. Let's get married. What do you think?'

'I'm already wearing the ring: what do you think my answer is?' Jude replied. They smiled at each other with tears in their eyes.

'You've gotta say it,' Zero insisted. Jude rolled his eyes. Emotionally affected as he was, it didn't have the desired effect.

'Yes. Of course I want to marry you. I love you,' Jude stated with such sincerity and conviction that all Zero could do was wrap him into his arms and hold on. _This is the life. Next: a house. A dog._ _And you and me and forever._

The end.


End file.
